Starting this, I'm not even sure where we are going to end up, so bare with me. This has nothing to do with crochet or any sort of crafty anything. This entire post is going to be about one thing.
I'm struggling to find some value in myself as a stay at home mom. If you told me I was going to be a parent when I was 20 I would have laugh in your face. If you would have told me I was going to be a stay-at-home mom even after I had my first, I would have laughed even harder. I was meant to be busy and around people. And well... Right now I'm not any of that. Just busy and lost and not really doing anything right.
My mission to be better. A better partner, a better mother, better domesticated. (If you guys knew my level of domestication you'd wonder how the fuck I ever came to crochet.) To work for better health and abs that I've always dreamed of having but never really had. To walk up the stairs without breathing heavy. To drink more water.
What better way to start this mission than to make myself accountable to the people that get most of my social interactions? SO I guess this is where I should get detailed. Let's start with the house.
Cleaning has always been something that I've found overwhelming. I have to take everything apart and reorganize every time, find things that I haven't seen in a while, and thus find myself distracted, trying old clothes on or playing with new things, or in a different part of the house. So the part I started in is a bigger mess because I started cleaning it and I've started making another mess in another part of the house because I found something that needs a home...
Watching Tidying Up With Marie Kondo sounded like a great idea. Maybe get some new ideas for tidying up the house. Feeling better about it, less overwhelmed and be able to be even more available to my family. Her theories are sound. But I'm feeling pretty lost on how to do it all. Because every episode I have seen, those people she is helping have partners to help them and their kids aren't tearing it apart every 2 seconds. I can't get through separating kids clothes without the girls changing 16 times so how am I supposed to put everything from one category into a pile somewhere and organize it without them "helping."
Cue more overwhelming feelings because it just feels like I'm doing everything alone. And it won't get finished.
BUT this post is part of the accountability thing. So I guess I'm going to do it anyway.
A part of me just wants to toss all of our clothes and get all white shirts and some jeans or something and then bam, easy wash, no fights over who wears what with the kids. BUT WHERE IS THE STYLE I LIKE?
Next up, my health. I want to cut sugar.
This is going to be by far the most miserable decision I make for a while. But I have a strong need for sugar. And I really shouldn't. I want to feel better and sleep better and I think this might help. And if I am not so fatigued all of the time, maybe the house will stay tidy and I won't feel overwhelmed all of the time too. Then I won't get irritated so quickly and I can write up some more patterns for you lovely folks and get back to creating things more often and feel like my life is as together as I thought it would be at this age when I was 16.
I also want to move more. I have GOT to start exercising. I'm what we call "skinny fat". I'd be the first to die in a zombie apocalypse. I'd be the person trying to run, but then I'd end up stopping because I can't breathe or I'd be puking or tripping or something dumb. Not able to lift myself over an edge to get away from them or climb a fence or what have you. So unless I start moving, Adam's going to have to just shoot me in the face and save me the agony.
And I want to try new food. But I don't. So this doesn't really count as an accountability thing. Because I'll do what I want.
Do you feel overwhelmed too? Am I just extra crazy?
Little prairie spitfire, hoping to bring you some positivity and feist.